Technician

Technician

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Mensa Man

Overland Park, KS

mensa man has not written a profile yet.

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Question Answered: 

Crow bar, a really big long one. And then bend it. If that doesn't work, giant sledge hammer. Everything can be fixed with a left handed sledge hammer. But you have to ask yourself, "why do I want to open the hood this badly." Shouldn't the BMW mechanics be doing this for a lot of money. I mean it's not like you're going to check the transmission fluid. And all those electrical dash indicators will clearly tell you if something's wrong. If they're working that day, that is.


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Question Answered: 

"just something inside my radiator" something? Uh...what a squirrel, no coolant, oil? Air? ants, goop, stop leak? Wedding rings from the previous owners wife? And why do you think "somethings" in your radiator of all places. How come not in the trunk, under the seat, in the glovebox, or in that console thing? Or even IN the tires? I sense a deep rooted radiator phobia here. Replace it with a new one before it spreads to the engine.


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Question Answered: 

There's a recall on the transmission selector. Usually they fail when driving through the rain. The problem is that one of the hardened metal connectors for the linkage wasn't hardened correctly and is susceptible to early wear failure. Symptoms are failure when driving through rain, not staying in the gear you selected.


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Question Answered: 

Is it a closed system...most definitely. The problem with cars is they rattle, vibrate, and develop micro leaks and operate under pressure so the refrigerant can quite easily leak out. Home A/C systems are closed as well, but no one drives them all over the country, they're stationary and aren't susceptible to the leaks that cars are. So when someone says the A/C works fine except it needs a charge, they're really telling you they have a leak when they shouldn't have and it really doesn't work fine at all. Typically the leak is at the compressor shaft seal. then the condenser and then any of the connections that use O-rings.


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Question Answered: 

Well, you will be using this car without A/C to find a job. It's the A/C control module. Since you can't afford a mechanic....let alone a BMW mechanic, you are not going to be a cool dude anytime soon. Usually when the control module goes bad, the A/c just works intermittently. BMW knows this and they just replace the control module and bingo....about $1400 later, you drive out cool.


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Question Answered: 

3 series brake light assemblies are notorious for getting dirt, water, and everything else back in there. BMW has a totally bizzare way of supplying power to the bulbs. Couple that with bad gaskets and over time it opens up all types of problems. One of the easiest fixes is to replace the whole assembly. It comes out really easy, three nuts, tops, and it just pops out. The nuts are on the inside. Don't ebay 'em like i did because the pin connections are different from the plug connections on different years and different model number 3 series. They all look the same but they wont plug in. There is a circuit looking board supplying a positive and ground to each bulb in each assembly. it's not worth trying to troubleshoot. just replace. there's a whole lot of aftermarket stuff out there.


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Question Answered: 

You, my friend, need lots and lots of money. Yesireee, head gasket. That is the critical point where the oil and coolant are kept separate. No oil in the engine.....not to worry. No oil means no lubrication which means new engine, which is what you were going to have to do anyway. Those main bearings holding the crank in have got to be shot due to no oil. Coolant is a bad lubricator. Main Bearings shot=new engine also. Coffee + cream, only thing left to do is go to Starbucks and see if you can set up some advertising gimmick. Maybe they're next to the BMW shop!


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Question Answered: 

Ahhh the old where's the dip stick for this BMW. Chances are there isn't one. 3 series don't have one, but they do have two pans to take off. They're advertised as "lifetime" transmission oil, which is one of many stupid things BMW has done...just to be difficult. When your auto transmission fails at 70kmi...that's the lifetime of that unit. When it fails at 145kmi...that's the lifetime of that unit. It can be changed and checked though The 5 series just has one pan. There is a drain plug on the side somewhere on the main underbelly pan of this transmission. When the car is cold, remove the plug and see if any come out. If it doesn't don't just go pump any transmission fluid in there. Drop the pan and replace all of it. You have no idea what's already in there and you don't want to mix transmission fluids. Go to BMW to by their special pope blessed transmission fluid and change it all out at once. Drop the pan, change the filter---3 bolts, you'll see 'em. Replace the pan, pump fluid till it come out. Run the car up to operating temperature while it is still on 4 jacks, suspended in the air. This takes maybe 30-40 minutes. Shift through all gears. Check the access plug....if you can still add fluid, do so till it comes out. You now have topped of the tranny fluid and changed it to boot. Don't try this at home. The BMW shop needs money. They can safely jack up your car without having it fall on them and, and they can run it the required 30-40 minutes warm up time without being overcome by carbon monoxide. Not all the humans possess said intelligence to accomplish those two feats.


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Question Answered: 

Typically it is a result of loose battery cable connections where they bolt on the posts of the battery. They may look clean and tight, but take 'em off, scrape or sand em, put 'em back on. Did exactly that to a 318is tuesday. Can also be loose ground. Idk if there's a relay in the circuit or not. If it does crank and still doesn't start----fuel pump.


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Question Answered: 

So, you recently completed your "free" service check at the dealer for $370.00 I think you answered it yourself. Gee Whiizzzo....so you're asking if $370.00 is a normal price to change out maybe 5quarts of oil at what......1.50/qt? Maybe $4.00/qt if its synthetic. Say the pope blessed the filter and now it's $50.00 instead of the normal $20.00 We're still far away from $370.00 Which dealer was this. They deserve accolades for yanking that much money out of you sooo easily! Jiffy Lube. Grease Monkey. Sears. Quick Lube. They can all do it for less than $50.00. Seriously. Take out the plug, gravity takes over, the oil falls out. Unscrew the filter, put a new one on, and add oil. Bingo.


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